"The important thing to realize is that this very part of us that resists our healing is the part that most needs our attention and love." - Madisyn Taylor - "Daily OM"
So we've begun the hard work of concentrating on our recoveries. We've explored the multiple paradoxes of detachment, loving the addict while hating the disease, detaching with love, not anger, resentment or control.
The paths to our recoveries are as varied as the parents who seek them. There is a common byproduct reported by those of us who have embarked upon the road to self discovery - a renewed energy and excitement for life. Once we become aware enough to feel this we want to do something with it every day.
This is the scary part.
A few months ago I was fishing through my "manly man purse" where I keep my scrawlings, and found a worn bit of notebook paper I had not revisited in almost a year. A friend (angel) had written the following words on this almost forgotten sheet:
It wasn't until the beginnings of my recovery that I even possessed the desire and self awareness to contemplate the first question: "What's Fun?"
Just prior to our older son's spiral into addiction I had purchased a Trek hybrid bicycle built for road and off-road riding. This was fitted at the bike shop just for me and was the coolest bike I had ever owned.
As it became apparent that our son's addictions were more serious than originally thought (hoped) I sunk deeply into a state of self loathing and pity. I had no time, desire, will or even a sense of entitlement for any fun.
The bike "sat", actually hung, for a year and a half.