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"We do not need magic to transform our world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already. We have the power to imagine better." ~ J. K. Rowling
There will come a time when our sons and daughters in recovery or even at recovery's brink, might be ready, ready for a bit of incentive to resume the journey upon which they have embarked. There may be certain pathways they must embark upon which to them may seem like roads to impassable next stages on the progression from the jail created by The Addiction. Some may call it being stuck, others, parents and loved ones might revert back to past toxic behaviors, characterizing the temporary pause in our children's progress as laziness, freeloading or even cowardice.
"She was doing so well."
"He was on the road to a normal life."
"What's WRONG with him."
"Why doesn't she just get on with it."
Unlike the robin fledgling in early spring that will jump from its nest to both explore its surroundings, and test and strengthen its flying muscles and feathers, our sons and daughters may not have this instinct. They have been beaten by too many interruptions in their early lives. They know too much about life yet do not have the experience to handle the freedom that comes with an existence not driven by The Addiction.
They know what to do, but have no idea how to start or what dire results might ensue if they jump the nest. The long range goal may be all they see, not the easier baby steps to get there.
As I said, they know what to do. They may have been beaten down by The Addiction but not anymore. They are an intelligent bunch. The vortex they dove into wasn't a result of stupidity or LACK OF MORAL CHARACTER.
They can handle a nudge, a little bit of "adulting" to move them along those first steps.
We as parents can pick one or two pathway suggestions they might want to take. We have it in us to be gentle with the nudge, but firm. We no longer cajole or shame our children along their way.
But we should be prepared for pushback, the I Know or I will responses that are painfully familiar from our time we spent with our children in the cloud forest, in the muck of The Addiction.
This is when we say, "I love you," and walk away. We've done as much as we can do. As always, it is ultimately up to our children.
Watching our children as they re-embark on their journey can be painful to us but remember not nearly as painful or as frightening as it is to them. A belief that they WILL flourish will help as we watch our fledglings test their wings. They can do this.
And so can we.
. . . keep coming back
"Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them." ~ Rabindranath Tagore
