Willing Our Way To Ready

"I been warped by the rain, driven by the snow; I'm drunk and dirty but don't you know; I'm still willin'." ~ "Willin'", Lowell George

Sometimes it can seem as though the Universe is coming at us from multiple directions to unlock our souls and move us along our journey pathways. We can be more well-disposed to receiving cues from forces outside our immediate consciousness during certain times in our lives than others. Life events, our obstinate tendencies and busy schedules can all make us blind to signals and signposts that should be as easily perceived as a beautiful yellow-orange sun breaking through the horizon on a cloudless blue-sky morning.

Recently within the period of a day I received much needed gentle reminders from The Universe via a posting of a close friend, through two of my daily readings (yes, I have daily readings as part of my pre-work morning ritual), and finally as a result of my not so easy or swift recovery from my C5 - C6 spinal fusion surgery.

I almost missed all the signposts.

I needed to be reminded how precious is the opportunity called life. I needed to have a slap to the back of the head to move me past talking the talk to walking the walk, some breadcrumbs, a ladder, climbing rope or gravity assist to slingshot me along my own pathway.

You see, as much as I wanted to downplay my recent surgery and the effects it would have on my daily living this was not like snipping a little pre-cancerous bubble off my face. Once the realization hit me hard I was I was facing a three, six or even 12-month rehabilitation, I had a decision to make.

Would I respond in kind to the challenge ahead of me or play the idiot-optimist without doing the work and making the commitment necessary for eventual return to a life devoid of tingling, numbness and pain?

For weeks I was willing. For weeks I understood the enormity of the procedure my surgeon performed. As I mentioned, two morning readings and this post from a dear friend, a fellow marathoner, pushed me over the edge:

"But today I promise you I will get (safely) uncomfortable. I've got goals and refuse to not make them because I didn't get out of my comfort zone."

This, my parents, is what happens when you cross the threshold from being willing, from talking the talk, to being READY. It is a transformative experience moving along a pathway from knowing what must be done to actually doing it, from an all the best intentions call to action, from logical comprehension of what needs to happen, NOW, to a spiritual awakening which can emerge only from trust that what must happen now may not be understandable but is the result of forces beyond our comprehension.

There is a lot of trust involved here, and a commitment to relinquishing control over the uncontrollable.

In my case, I had to come to terms with the severity and extensiveness of the surgery and realize I couldn't WILL my way back to normalcy  - there's that (root) word again. I had to be ready to do the work, to leave my marathoner's ego in the ditch, order a heapin' helpin' of humility and do the tedious hand, arm and shoulder exercises my therapists (yes, therapists, plural, occupational and physical) would prescribe.

Floor dumbbell presses with 2-pound weights is humbling. I have given myself over to my therapists. I must follow their signposts even though the end is not in sight. My recovery is going to be a long process spent not by making leaps and bounds, but by taking small, cautious steps toward a life recovered.

The parallels between my current physical recovery from surgery and my ongoing journey of recovery as a parent of an addict are not lost on this father. Nor is the reminder that moving from WILLING to READY to which an addict must devote their fragile lives is an even more difficult commitment. Both are terrifying acts of trust and purpose that few can succeed at the first time.

It required a few signposts-in-the-face for me to finally come around. I've seen the struggle of addicts as they tell themselves repeatedly they are willing to stop living the life The Addiction has laid out for them if only someone would intervene on their behalf, until, at long last, they are READY to no longer live the addicted life. Willing is a desire. Ready is a personal and sometimes very lonely decision.

This is when we can see our paths crossing, ours and our addicted children's as they move down a pathway to recovery. Our experiences of moving from a logical understanding of where we need to be and what pathways we should choose for regaining our lives, to a total relinquishing of control to achieve a state of readiness for rebirth are forever etched in our memories. We'll know when our children are ready to stop fighting The Addiction and give themselves over to whatever power will allow them to "stop living like this". We can watch from afar knowing how hard it is at first to take that leap into the unknown and smile as they realize they are not doing this on their own. Whether or not our children will admit it, the Universe, the Great Creator, some force greater than they has been awaiting this moment and will not fail them in the undertaking. Our children will begin to seek and see the healthy signposts and ignore the false markers, the misdirections back to addiction.

It's a great feeling being ready. For both parent and child, it may have seemed too long coming but like the Universe, Ready has no timetable. Ready will arrive on its own schedule.

Get ready ... GO!

. . . keep coming back

"As a rule, we find what we look for; we achieve what we get ready for." ~ James Cash Penney