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"May such a calm of soul be mine, so as to meet the force of circumstances" ~ Aeschylus
Must we really confront everything? Why do we feel compelled to fix everything and make it painfully clear to everyone that we are the fixers, the correctors, the "keepers" of the way things should be?
The 12-steppers call it "letting go." We can call it what we wish. However we approach a change in our attitudes and behavior starts with a pinch of humility, a hefty dash of love, and a heaping helping of deep breathing and knowing we don't know EVERYTHING. In fact, in many cases when attempting to make some sense of life under the shadow of The Addiction, we know NOTHING.
The next time we see something that cries out to be corrected, whether or not that something is brought on by a son or daughter who is grappling with The Addiction, why don't we practice an alternative behavior.
We can:
Put others' dishes away
Close the windows
Ignore the paraphernalia, (maybe just this once?)
Straighten out the room
Or, ignore the CHAOS!
Let me be clear, we're not talking about taking over responsibilities we have assigned to our addicted and recovering as part of a contract for recovery. Sometimes we MUST remind our son or daughter that for whatever reason their preoccupation with themselves and their insular world has prevented them from fully taking part in the world around them, from fulfilling even the tiniest of responsibilities thrust upon them.
But not always.
We can do things without announcing the "corrections" we are implementing. We can do these things without malice or judgment, with love in our hearts for our addicted, our recovering and those others we hold dear . These are those little things that as partners in life we can look beyond to move on, not wasting time with sidelong glances and passive aggressive comments concerning things happening "AGAIN!?" We can perform these little duties when nobody's looking with a smile in our heart knowing we love everyone in our circle unconditionally no matter how maddening they may be making our lives at any particular time. It's all about developing muscle memory for life!
It won't be easy, a bit like an obsessive-compulsive ignoring the picture hung crookedly on the wall - believe me, I draw upon this analogy from personal experience. It's the only way our temporarily lost can find their way. It can be liberating. Watching our recovering triumph in little ways as they overcome their tendency to ignore what the Universe has laid out for them is one of those small victories that keeps us all moving down our recovery pathways.
And ignoring some of those little annoyances can free us up to experience some of the adventures we have been missing, that the Universe has laid out for us.
. . . keep coming back
"We can't possibly know everything. And when we think we do, we limit ourselves from growing and learning more than what we already do know" ~ Madisyn Taylor
