Move On

"Finish every day and be done with it. For manners and for wise living it is a vice to remember. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You will begin it well and serenely, and too high a spirit to be cumbered by your old nonsense. It is too dear with its hopes and invitations to waste a moment on the rotten yesterdays."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I'll never forgive myself for ... ."

"If I had only thought before I ... ."

"Why didn't you stop me when I was about to ... ?"

So many of our actions while confronting The Addiction can be regrettable at best and at worst, a constant reminder of our failures and shortcomings as parents. Living lives as parents of the addicted and recovering can be at the same time torturous and inspirational. We have to remember there are, have been and will be victories along with our regressions back to the mire and muck of the bog and hopeless dark expanse of the cloud forest. The Addiction impacts the lives of our addicted, our in-recovery sons and daughters, their siblings and so many others who cross pathways with the monster.

Some of my most haunting regrets stem from how I let The Addiction color my relationships with everyone except my son the addict.

We must remember we do have our bright spots.

Maybe our mindset can change from one based on confrontation to one centered on love for our children. Perhaps we can begin to look beyond the face of The Addiction to see our children there, deep within. This will not only impact our relationship with our addicts, but also how we interact with their siblings, our partners and friends. Relationships based on love will see through the bullshit coming from The Addiction so we can move on with lives as caring and loving parents, partner, co-workers and friends.

If we think of our addicted sons and daughters as in recovery from the moment we see The Addiction has taken hold of their lives our focus might change from despair to hope. Our babies never chose to wake up one day to follow a self-destructive pathway devastating to their lives and the lives of everyone who holds them dear. From the moment they embark on the journey led by their addiction something inside them yearns to break free.

With that in mind we can love our sons and daughters and love our family who have been detoured with them down a dangerous road. Only with an active decision to love may we show them our total support and pepper our interactions not with disdain, but with kindness.

I'm not saying this will be an easy road to take, but it is one well worth the effort.

. . . keep coming back

"There's no future, there's no past; Beating hearts are all we have; Getting stronger break by break; From all these mistakes I've made; Mistakes I've made; What path remains; Mistakes I've, Mistakes I've made." ~ Eelke Kleijn, "Mistakes I've Made"