Doses of Positivity

"We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is in itself a marvelous victory." ~ Howard Zinn

One recently bitterly cold early morning as I was stumbling into my chosen coffee shop of the day I happened to see a woman I had noticed there on previous mornings. On this day she was addressing in full vigor, a group of women sitting at a large table.

This woman, an educator, was outlining her classroom philosophy. Ebullient doesn't even come close to describing her.

I had to break in: "Are you enrolling? I'd like to be in your class!"

She laughed. The women too. I told her from what I had heard she gives her students the opportunity to learn in a healthy and inclusive atmosphere. She responded by mentioning each day before class she reminds herself that she knows nothing, so each day might progress and emerge as it should.

Sound familiar?

Stunned, I left her with a quote I had picked up years before.

"People who think they know everything are missing the Great Adventure," I said.

We smiled and parted company yet her energy and positivity remain with me.

Sometimes we need doses of positivity as parents of addicts. No matter where we are on our lifelong journey, wherever our children are along their recovery pathways, we need these regular inoculations against The Negative.

Our lives depend on it. Positivity is one of many preventative and proactive measures we can employ to avoid tumbles back to the vortex The Addiction is constantly inviting us to rejoin. Think of Positivity as a vaccine we would no more avoid than the Inactivated Poliovirus schedule administered to our children in the first year and a half of their lives. Positivity is a well-established pathway to fulfillment and self actualization.

Years ago I had asked my doctor if he thought I should get a flu shot.

"You want to get the flu?" he asked.

"No," I responded.

"Then get the flu shot," he counseled, with a smile.

It's that simple, right?

Unfortunately for parents of addicts it's not always so. We are challenged, daily, by the hooks The Addiction employs to drag us back into our children's spiral. We all have the little bastard projectionist in our heads, playing those awful dystopian newsreels portending certain futures that may or may not transpire.

We can learn to SEEK out Positivity so we may SEE The Good The Universe has in play for us. We do not simply avoid the negative. Actively looking for the positive in life, seeking FUN (there's that "F" word again), allows less time for negative thoughts, internalized film festivals and self-defeating actions to creep into our lives.

We don't lead lives as the village idiot, ignoring all of life's travails at the expense of our own well being. This is more a quest for the best in human nature, in society, in friends and family and ourselves as we stay true to our recovery journey pathways. There is a benefit, a logic, in surrounding ourselves with joyfulness, what is life affirming and not soul damaging.

I have become convinced that TV newsrooms have relegated the duties of the assignment desk to the police scanner. It's is easier to cover fires, murders and automobile accidents than to dig deep into the soul of a community to find The Good percolating in spite of The Bad we are exposed to hourly. Television dramas and reality shows have become celebrations of the worst of human nature.

We can pick our media wisely. We can choose our mindset carefully as well. We can even choose our conversations carefully including our self talk. Most of us have more than once, I'm sure, meandered down pathways of negativity. It may be part of our DNA or perhaps a defaulting human genome that tends to move us to a complaining voice. When this occurs we can catch ourselves and imagine ourselves turning around to retrace our steps back to our chosen pathway.

When we find ourselves diverted to The Negative we can feel it. It is a different sensation for everyone whether it's the blood rushing to our heads or the knot forming in our neck muscles (that's mine). Whatever predictor of the foreboding we own it is important to recognize it and know when we have entered a dark pathway. If we allow ourselves to continue down the path paved by negativity we risk becoming lost, again, in the blackness.

Seeking out and finding The Positive is the thing wherein we can keep our journeys true and safe.

Surrounding ourselves with positive people is one sure way to stay focused on our pathways. A quick shot of optimism from one of those infectiously happy souls is an inoculation against Gloom.

And GLOOM, in just a single syllable is such a descriptively negative word. Lugubrious is another. We may not know its meaning, we just know by its sound we don't want to go there. Lu-gu-bri-ous is what we were before we began our journey. 

We can't go back there.

We can catch ourselves when we find we have entered into a negative conversation or when our our thoughts revert to our more negative tendencies.

We can leave those conversations, external and internal. We can stop ourselves when we begin to ramble down the easy pathway to The Gloom. When we do, when we stop, we know we've grown.

Remember also The Addiction is all about maintaining our children in its cocoon of negativity. Their conversation will trend to what sucks, what is wrong with EVERYTHING. Do not engage, do not return the volleys. But when our children do emerge, when they speak of anything that smacks of what is right, good or optimistic with their world, jump on the opportunity.

It is at this moment we must allow our children to catch a glimpse of what we have found. We must allow them to have a Goodness sighting, a view of a vista awaiting them in the light outside the darkness. It may be hard for them to see. The light can be blinding for those who have been in the dark so long.

Eventually they may become accustomed to our Positivity. Eventually they may long for it.

For now the doses of Positivity can be our little secret, our gift to ourselves.

Just take at least two daily, PRN.

... keep coming back

"We can complain because rosebushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." ~ Abraham Lincoln

"When things go wrong, don't go with them." ~ Elvis Presley 

The Stillness of the Quiet

"In the stillness of the quiet , if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair." ~ Howard Thurman

Stillness can be disconcerting. We can be left to our own thoughts if we abandon civilization's constant din of activity.

The good news is our own thoughts are healthier, happier, more honest and true than before we set out upon our recovery journeys.

Still, the stillness, the quiet, the absence of the white noise of constant conversation and busy-ness can be a condition to be feared.

We've even been programmed for this through media - movies, television, radio ...

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? I didn't hear anything?"

"Exactly."

Even in our pursuit of our personal parental recovery as we strive to SEEK and SEE what the Universe has awaiting us, as we endeavor to move forward, we can be caught up in the joyous uproar of our own activity.

This is not a call to regroup or take Five, to postpone our journey to rejuvenate and recharge. This is an invitation to awareness.

During the course of navigating through the cloud forest of our early recovery or even in our triumphant first emergence from despair and darkness we were perhaps too focused on the escape to take note of the silences surrounding us. These quiets as we can call them were largely ignored as we persevered to accept the abundance of The Universe.

We had a purpose in those early stages to escape the vortex of our children's disease. What we did not realize at the time was those quiets, seemingly as dark as the mire from which we were endeavoring to escape could have served us well. We realize this now - or soon will -  yet embracing the quiets of our lives may take some getting used to. Allowing ourselves to accept the stillnesses, the breaks in the clamor of everyday life may either seem impossible or something to be avoided.

For years I would jog or take long walks through our Great Creator's abundance with my ear buds firmly in place. I listened to my playlists to take my mind to another plane of existence as if the park or nature preserve I had chosen didn't provide enough inspiration.

One day a friend (read angel) mentioned she never listens to anything, music or podcasts, when she takes walks.

"Why miss out on the sounds and beauty all around," she said.

Now when I take long walks or training runs through any of our area county parks or wildlife sanctuaries I treat myself to the stillnesses of each moment. The stillnesses, the quiets, are now only interrupted by the rustling sound of deer deep in the woods or the calls of orioles and meadowlarks previously hidden from view by the clatter of my meticulously chosen playlists.

I allow the stillnesses to surround me, to quiet my soul, to allow me to BREATHE.

I am even training myself to experience the stillnesses within conversations instead of formulating what I will say in response before the speaker has completed his or her thoughts. These stillnesses represent the whole of what is being said, the words, the inflections, the body language - the entire package. I no longer respond to a snippet of my choosing from the conversation.

My recovery is leaching ever so slowly into my life, not always successfully. I allow that recovery is a work in progress.

The quiets are our opportunity to experience the whole of what our Great Creator has made ready for us. Allowing ourselves the gift of complete encounters with our world as we continue along our recovery pathways is our next small step in becoming our true real selves.

Find a quiet place, yet experience the sounds all around. Take time to find the beauty in the smallest minutiae each moment offers. Focus on the quiet of the NOW without permitting the mind to race to the myriad of the NEXTS that may never materialize. Take that pause after a friend has spoken to take in what has been said and only then, decide if any response is warranted.

Discovering our quiets, our stillnesses amid the din of media, schedule, society, family and our substance-burdened children allows us to step back, move aside and focus on the important. We are able to reject the distractions, seeing them for what they are, dangerous diversions from our pathways. The quiets whisper to us to slow down even as we energetically travel ahead on our recovery journeys. The stillnesses remind us that while we remain clueless about so many things there is an entire Universe guiding us, cheering, encouraging us to be our best selves.

Did you hear that?

I hope so!

... keep coming back

"Happiness is a butterfly which when pursued is always beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

When Addiction Strikes - Our Time to Shine as Parents ... Or, The Meaning of SHOWING UP

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Life is full of cruel opportunities. We felt the full effect of this when our children succumbed to the disease of addiction. Many of us saw only one pathway and took it.

We accepted blame for our children's tumble. We controlled. We fixed - or thought we did. We handed our lives over to The Addiction. In essence we disappeared. We became the automaton of The Addiction, perpetuating our daughter's and son's subservience to the substance. We continuously insulted and downgraded our children's spirit as it slowly disappeared into the chasm of whatever drug or behavior had them hooked. We did for our children what they could and should have done for themselves. We stole their victories, failures and consequences. And as we watched our babies lose themselves in addiction's black hole we were right there with them, hopeless, invisible, dying.

Many of us accomplished this in cycles, disappearing and reappearing with a seeming purpose. We can remember also pulling our children from the brink. We got them clean in wilderness camps, therapeutic boarding schools, and inpatient and outpatient treatment. We saved our children's lives, a noble act for which many of them have yet to forgive us. No matter where our son's and daughter's journeys have taken them at this present crossroads in their journeys, this ingratitude is The Addiction speaking, hanging on, grappling for our babies' essences.

"... that stupid boot camp in the desert!"

Ultimately our paths diverged. It was inevitable, or must be. It is either this divergence occurs or we die, both parent and child. Living with our children in the muck, entangled within the thick hedgerow of addiction benefits neither of us.

One of us had to escape for both of us to have a chance of survival. It may as well have been us. It had to be us. Addiction's hold on our children is like a siren call forever luring them into a living nightmare of shipwreck after shipwreck.

Living for The Addiction with our children relegates our lives to an existence based on bitterness, anger and despair. There is no room in our hearts to love our addicts - ever. We can find no reason to separate him from The Addiction, her from the life she has fallen into. Showing up for ourselves makes us stronger, better than we have been for years.

As we emerged from our self-imposed dead zone we fought our tendencies to fix, control, cure and thus insult our children's intellect and ability to figure it out for themselves, whatever their it is. This would be the first of many counter intuitive awarenesses, a beam of sunshine breaking through the dense canopy of our personal cloud forest.

This might just be our opportunity to show up as parents. This might be our time to shine.

As parents of addicts SHOWING UP means living OUR lives to our fullest potential. Showing up in its truest sense is being as true to ourselves as we possibly can at this moment in time. Showing up allows us to be there for our children by being a beacon to a fulfilled existence, an example of what can be if our children would only accept the Universe' pathway to their best selves.

Showing up is one of those cruel opportunities. We are constantly fighting our reflexive proclivity to insert ourselves where we're not needed or wanted, to come charging in like a one-man, one-woman cavalry to free a soul unaware that any liberation is necessary - or worse, one that is just fine with the occupation.

Showing up as parents in this out-of-the-box way really does give us a chance to shine. No longer angry at everything we react less and are able to more often find love in our hearts for our children. We have more energy for ourselves and the slings and arrows The Addiction may throw our way. It is our time to rise above The Addiction and its hooks and barbs and become better than the embittered human beings we once were. It is our time to grow, to glow, to become who we were meant to be.

If we respect our right to live a fulfilled and rewarding life, to explore the pathways The Universe has prepared for all of us we also honor and acknowledge our children's capacity for change. They may see our new calm, our renewed lust for living and like that light we saw through the dark forest canopy they may reach out through the haze of The Addiction for some of what we've found.

When we show up and shine on for ourselves we become better parents for it. And brightening our lives just may become the sunrise to our children's new dawn.

Rise and shine parents!

... keep coming back

"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." ~ United States of America Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

We Really ARE Interesting People

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

We've all felt this. We're different, we parents of children who have succumbed to the disease of addiction. We have a different perspective on life, on living, on making that commitment each day to crawl out of bed and show up for life.

Some things are more important to us than they seem to other people, some less so. We've learned to ignore A LOT that might lead us on meaningless diversions away from our recovery pathways. We're focused on living. We no longer obsess over the argument, the negative, the sad, the pathetic. We have begun to pull away from the black-hole vortex of our children's addiction.

In the midst of it all we have come to appreciate our new and elevated role in the world, in the universe. We have lives to lead, passions to nourish and new friends to embrace. We do this even as our babies struggle.

We do all this because we feel we must. We feel compelled to strive, to seek out our individualities, our greatnesses.

Live or die. To be or not to be in its fullest sense, becomes the question.

And one day as we became more self aware we began to separate our children from The Addiction that had taken them from us. We chose a life separate from the controlling, fixing and curing parents we had become. In the process we began to discover our uniqueness stepping outside of what had been ourselves to discover who we really are, not what society had pigeonholed us into.

As this transition occurs we begin to feel, strange. It's OK. Different can feel strange at first. Our family, friends, coworkers and even our children who brought us to our journeys  - alright, especially these children - see the change in us and perceive the change as strange, foreign and threatening. We are shattering the status quo, the expected, the safe, the known.

Strange is not really the word, We can refer to our new outlook on life, our prospects and future as ... Interesting.

Interesting | adj. | attracting your attention and making you want to learn more about something or to be involved in something; not dull or boring

- Merriam-Webster On-Line Dictionary

We are definitely not dull or boring. Human beings who have suffered, then prevailed as thrivers from our children's dive into addiction are never boring. We've emerged. No longer hiding we're striving, seeking and seeing our possibilities.

Interesting people are attractive in a true, real sense, an attraction not based on physicality but on that something difficult to define. We are deeply involved with life, and with our lives, yet we are not self absorbed.

There is something then, different about us. In transcending our struggles and recent battles which have moved us along our recovery pathways we are a force to be noticed. Those who know of our struggles may see these changes as odd, selfish or inspiring. Those we meet, unaware of our history, may be attracted to our nuanced differentness. Our families watch, learn (hopefully - this is up to them), and find comfort in our changed demeanor, outlook on life and lust for life's experiences. We are becoming who we are meant to be.

Imagine that.

NO, REALLY! Imagine that, and it might just come true.

Our children who brought us to this journey, our Great Creator's great gift, see us too, changed, metamorphosed, alive.

Oh they'll be pissed at first to be sure as they witness their former rag-doll parents embracing a fulfilled existence. The anger we sense is The Addiction's rebellion, negativity and bitterness spewed through our children's mind, body and spirit. The Addiction will fight this, our truth, our REAL.

This can be exhausting for us and our children. One day they may see the folly of the vortex into which they have plunged. One day, as we once declared, they may say, "Enough!"

"I can't live like this anymore!"

Or perhaps they won't. We must remember it is their journey.

Through it all what we CAN do is remain steadfast. Through it all we must trust the pathway we have chosen and the spectacular journey we have been blessed with.

Through it all we must love our children as we follow the many possibilities the Universe has laid out for us.  All we need do is simply allow ourselves the courage to reach out and embrace the moments.

And, through it all, we must always remain ... interesting.

"Alas for those who never sing, But die with all their music in them," ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Everyone has a secret achievement inside. Happy are those who have the audacity to pull it off. " ~ Patrick Benjamin 

 ... keep coming back

Disquietude

"Forgiving is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt." ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

Disquietude is one of those multi-layered words seldom utilized in our increasingly complex world. Dumbed down by email and social media our lexicon can't seem to keep up with the times. Disquietude harks back to the Civil War era when words were grand and descriptive, a Ken Burnsesque time when language blossomed.

"In Richmond, where intelligence of battles was received with comparative promptness, the frequent soundings of the tocsin, indicating the proximity of danger, increased the general disquietude, while those who lived in the country where newspapers were infrequent and mail irregular felt they would have preferred living in the midst of alarms to having their anxious uncertainty thus prolonged."

Disquietude, a word not so much utilized in the present day is certainly felt by parents of children who have succumbed to addiction to substances, certain behaviors or whatever negative influences impact their lives. Disquietude may be chronic or acute, a constant foreboding or that occasional twinge of pain precipitated by a late-night phone call, an item thought hidden from parental view or even a scent or visual supplying unsubstantiated proof of future, certain calamity.

We're either residents of Richmond receiving constant communiques of our sons' or daughters' real or imagined further plunges into addiction, or in the seeming insulation of the countryside where we may feel isolated, emotionally detached perhaps, yet still wondering, "When will the next alarm bell toll?"

It is useless to consider which is more distressing, the persistent barrage of intelligence or infrequent reports on how our sons and daughters are faring along their personal recovery journeys. This life of constant or intermittent notifications can be maddening, diverting us from our journey pathways. We risk a return to the brush, the dark rain forest, the mire and muck. We feel compelled to once again resort to enabling, controlling and living our lives for The Addiction. So we make the call:

OK, it's time you get your act together. You're not doing anything you said you would. Here's what WE'RE going to do.

Or ... 

Hey I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything OK?

Our motivations are unimportant. Whether we've been receiving regular dispatches of our children's struggles or seem constantly in the dark, once again, we've been sidetracked from our pathway by The Addiction.

This sounds tough and heartless doesn't it? Perhaps it is a necessary message for us to survive the siege.

The disquietude is natural. We love our sons and daughters. This state of unease and anxiety may be with us always or for a long time.

So what are we supposed to do with it?

We can live our lives fully as a constant reminder of how much we love our children and so allow them their victories, and their failures. We can lower expectations thus protecting ourselves from the downside of Addiction-driven manipulative behaviors while allowing us to truly recognize and revel in our addicts' upside wins. We can live our lives as a beacon, a lighthouse of the possibilities of life lived to its absolute fullest each day. As we progress along our journey we will see those niches in time when The Addiction takes a hiatus from its hold on our children, providing those opportunities to be a parent without getting in the way.

This is when, "I love you" is the only thing we need to say to our babies.

When we let go of this disquietude, even occasionally, we can actually laugh, yes laugh at the absurdity of some of the behaviors our children are led to by The Addiction. We've all witnessed the sulking, the everything sucks and it's YOUR FAULT mentality of our children struck down by The Addiction. When we allow the disquietude to leave us or even temporarily subside and realize our children are IN THERE, we can ignore the hooks, the Addiction-driven enticements, and smile.

We'll not play this game - no, not anymore. This is what loving our children while we hate The Addiction that has brought them to the dark place is all about. We're not giving up on them any more than a parent of a child with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Our children's disease is not curable through our interference. They hold the cure. We provide the lifeline through our unconditional love and belief in our children that they will figure this out.

We must never give up, never surrender to The Addiction's calls to divert us away from our lives.

Acknowledging our disquietude is the first step. We have tools. Whether we are in persistent contact with our children and their struggles along their pathways or receiving long-distance and sporadic notifications of victories and defeats, we must continue.  Our journey is our lifeline. Our children's disease of addiction is out of our control to cure but we can remain strong for ourselves and for them, for those moments of clarity where they might just bare witness to some of the views and vistas we enjoy.

We may not be certain of our sons' and daughters' immediate prospects but we can make certain as we can of ours. There was trepidation and hesitation when we began our journey. We can remember how in those first few steps we were able to confront our disquietude and move on.

Perhaps soon, it will be their turn.

... keep coming back

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." ~ Groucho Marx

Bibliography

Rhodes, James Ford, History of the Civil War 1861-1865, New York, The MacMillan Company (1917), pp. 389-390

Taking Time to Heal (A Weekend Afternoon Read)

"You have a solemn obligation to take care of yourself because you never know when The World will need you." ~ Rabbi Hillel

We are formidable, yet fragile, we parents of addicts. We are indomitable but not superhuman. Our lives have become tests of our fortitude and a testament to our resolve to continue against the seemingly insurmountable.

Our hope is as we live our lives to our fullest potential our children will see us and find a spark within themselves to seek a life outside the vortex of their addictions. We continue our journey. We maintain an abiding love for them and renounce the notion they are joyful partners of The Addiction. We strive, we explore new horizons, run headlong down pathways not always entirely certain where they may lead as we seek that next adventure and new experience.

We are living life to its fullest.

It can be exhausting!

Sometimes we become injured. Like the world-class athlete whose body is so taut and finely tuned that any tweak might undermine months or years of preparation, or the middle-aged half marathoner desperately holding an aging body together to simply make it to the start line, we as parents of addicts can become injured.

How can this happen? Our recovery is an intrinsically spiritual activity, not one of physical exertion. Though our journey often brings us to long-forgotten or denied pursuits to extend our bodies beyond perceived limits our quest has been primarily one for opening our minds and souls to seeking and seeing the possibilities ahead.

Yet, we can injure ourselves in this spiritual pursuit of life, love and what the Universe has in mind for us. These injuries may be less noticeable than the muscle strain or torn ligament but can have a similar sidelining effect.

Complacency is an injury common to all of us on recovery pathways.  When things appear to be going right with no late-night phone calls, defiant outbursts or unannounced disappearances we can plateau - in a negative sense. The views from a plateau can be beautiful. Here we can become comfortable as we survey what we have overcome and how far we have traversed along our pathways, but sometimes we can become comfortable for too long. Reaching our various plateaus is an important milestone for us to recharge and rejuvenate. Remaining at any level of achievement as parents in recovery is injurious. A symptom accompanying the injury of complacency is a burning in the back our minds notifying us that we are no longer where we should be on our journey. We were in that good place just a few days, weeks or even worse, months earlier. It was a good feeling being at that good place. But why are we still here?

A complication of complacency is stagnation, a secondary injury resulting from holding back on that wondrous momentum we had previously achieved along our recovery pathway. It's like the injury caused by favoring one side of the body after a breakdown of the opposite muscle groups. As one side might be healing, the other reaches out to snatch us from resuming our progress. It's the most infuriating and frustrating of setbacks.

Then everything goes to hell! We are struck down by Isolation. 

Isolation is an adductor muscle tear on our soul. Often perceived as self inflicted, isolation is often a result of The Addiction tripping us up when we least expect it. It's a cheap shot, a cleats-up slide tackle from the back and can occur on the plateau or in a Bad Place where we have followed The Addiction and our children. We'll be out for a while as we nurse the groin pull of recovery injuries. Isolation's nagging pain is Shame, keeping us mired in a self-imposed quarantine for much longer than we require. One begets the other. Our seclusion separates us from family, friends, life and even our fellow parents-in-recovery travelers.

Anger and Bitterness are the strain and tendinitis accompanying our injuries, immobilizing us and making even the slightest movement forward too painful to endure. These originate deep within our damaged souls and appear as an outcropping of the other injuries we have suffered.

We're not moving forward. We allow envy and resentment to set in and immobilize us.

We may even perceive those outside our journey looking at us as if to say, "That's what they get for living their lives while their children languish. That's what they get for wanting more - and then some."

It is when we are struck down, again, we need to remember why we began this journey and what our goals were even if we didn't consider our short and long term aspirations as goals. The goal, the yearning hope and dream of parents in recovery may be encapsulated in one phrase:

"I want my life back!"

We ask ourselves as we try to recall the victories and long for the free movement along our pathways, "Where am I now in my journey? What has happened? Who am I  - NOW?"

When we're down and hobbled it's not enough to simply battle through the injuries, to gut it out, to man up (sorry ladies) and push on. This can exacerbate an already dire situation and cause injury upon injury.

I can draw parallels from the marathoners and half marathoners. For three years I had trained alone for a half marathon each Fall. I ran through the pain. I had run track in high school - years ago. I knew how to run.

How hard could it be?

Each year as I pushed myself I became injured to the point of immobilization. I never made it to the start line.

In 2015 I decided I needed help. I joined a family of runners under the umbrella of a national running and fitness retail organization. I had two goals, to make it to the start line of the local Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon and to make it to the finish line of the local Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon. The first goal seemed a bit more challenging given my history.

Halfway through training I became beset with something called runner's knee or even more direly put, patellofemoral pain syndrome. I immediately sought the assistance of an orthopedic physician referred to me by the training team- something I would never have even considered pre-journey - who ruled out any catastrophic tear or break. He gifted me with a brace and an hour's worth of exercises which I embraced daily. Cured of the runner's knee I developed severe tendinitis in the opposite ankle which hobbled me severely. Again I reached out to my training team and doc, who again, thankfully eliminated the possibility of a training-ending injury and prescribed physical therapy.

Through this I remembered my first goal:

Make it to the start line ... 

Again I was issued a regimen of exercises and informed that while my knee and and ankle were feeling the pain my hips were the villain of this melodrama. I made multiple trips to this therapist.

There was a period of two-and-a-half weeks of therapist-prescribed running abstinence. I was a painful walker. Steps were avoided if possible.

Tuesday prior to race day I attempted the track work indicated on the training schedule, just twenty minutes on the oval.

I can honestly describe the experience as excruciatingly painful.

Somehow I remained focused on that first goal. The journey begun in July for a mid October race meant a lot. This half marathon was much more than simply a race with several thousand of my closest friends. This race was a pathway integral to recapturing my life and myself.

I remained in contact with my running team, my family, my running band of brothers and sisters. I drew strength from their encouragement even in the downtime.

I received physical therapy the Wednesday prior to the race weekend and a miracle happened.

I was walking pain free for the first time in almost three weeks!

That Friday my final round of physical therapy before the race was administered. I was taped up and determined ready to go by my physio.

On Sunday, October 18 after 12 weeks of training I rejoined my team. I began to run as we passed the start line, my first goal achieved. There was NO PAIN. With the help of multitudes of angels along the way I completed the 13.1 miles and even had a little left at the finish line - goal #2!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So how is this metaphorical recollection and vainglorious recap of my exploits in achieving my first half marathon success pertinent to our journey as parents of addicts? 

We must remember we will become injured at some some time. We will be hobbled or even temporarily sidelined. We may become complacent when when our journey seems to take us to a plateau resplendent with daisies and butterflies, puffy white clouds and cool breezes. We can isolate when our children dive, dive, dive deeper into the vortex with The Addiction. We may even seek out anger and bitterness as self therapy when things don't go as planned and we are diverted from our goals. 

What can we do then, when as parents of addicts we feel that tinge of pain portending an injury that might sideline us or even put us out for a time? We can remember why we began this journey and our ultimate goal of reclaiming our lives. This goal is a moving target, morphing, expanding, intensifying, yet remains a finish line to becoming better, forever reaching new plateaus and seeking new horizons. Our purpose in life is to become our truest selves each day, one day at a time.

We can and MUST reach out for help. We can set aside our pride that will encourage us to believe life is a simple proposition.

We've done this all our lives. How hard can it be?

We can realize, perhaps, we don't know everything, or anything. We can accept help from parents, professionals and others who have run this race before and only want us to succeed. We can trust miracles will happen when we least expect the pain to subside, the spring restored to our step. There are angels, an entire team to aid us along our healing process and keep us on track once we've been given the OK to resume our journey, our personal half marathon!

We can't do this alone. Once we realize this our seemingly solitary journey becomes one where we are surrounded by hundreds, thousands, millions of souls each encouraging the other to persevere, to take time to heal when necessary and get back on the road when ready and Trust in the unknown.

We will heal. We will move forward stronger, confident in our journey and more in tune with our souls when healing again may be necessary.

Parents on your mark ... !

... keep coming back

"The only person you need to worry about is you. You are perfectly valid where you are and if you are showing up then you've accomplished the hardest part of the morning."      ~  Greg Depp, Marathon and Half Marathon Coach

"And so I wait, I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to my feet again - so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again." ~ Jack Canfield,  Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

Doing the Doable - A New Year's Revolution

"I never do the New Year's Resolution thing. I kind of just try to stay focused, not get too sidetracked and do the best I can. And that's something I like to tell myself every year around New Year's." ~ Cameron Monaghan

"The First step in getting the things that you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." ~ Ben Stein 

It's January 5th as I put pen to paper on the first draft of this narrative and thankfully I've so far failed only one of my New Year's resolutions. Last night when my wife called and suggested she could pick up a fast-food dinner of empty calories, fat, crap and carbs on the way home from work I acquiesced. My resolution to be more fun, spontaneous, positive and less critical collided with it's sister commitment to eat healthier.

Can't we all just get along?!

So there I sat eating a meal with my family, the fun spouse and dad, less judgmental perhaps but certainly more bloated, anticipating gastrointestinal distress in my morning-after future.

This prognostication by mastication was not a result of those evil projectionists I can so easily conjure in my theater of the negative. I had a gut feeling I'd pay for this. I was right.

Tuesday morning reminded me why I had decided on this second of two resolutions for 2016. My body was asking, "Are you serious - four days?"

I knew the early relapse could be rectified. My first resolution to be more positive about life and less critical (read happy) told me this was so. I didn't have to beat myself up for such a human stumble.

"It's OK," I told myself.

My past New Year's resolutions have ranged from making no resolutions (the angry-obstinate resolutionary - sic) to the impossible (the self-defeating resolutionary). Each year I would make a conscious decision to remain stagnant or establish a pathway to failure. Either way self improvement would be impossible.

I've experienced too much to continue in this way. Many of us have.

This year I have committed to a journey of The Doable as I travel along a road to a better, happier, more fulfilled and present life.

It's not like doable is easy. My recent journey along the path to completing my first half marathon taught me this. This can become exhilarating, empowering while at the same time intimidating.

Did I say intimidating?

Oh my god! If my goals are reachable, seemingly small and insignificant, not game changers but game starters, I might be successful! Success, happiness, growth along our pathways are scary concepts for those of us unaccustomed to even articulating these hopes.

Remember, Success is NOT spelled with a "k".

I'm not referring to success measured in monetary gain though this may be an outcome of our many victories. In my case as I have embarked upon this new 366 day journey in this leap year 2016, success will simply be measured by the accomplishment of my two goals, MOST of the time. The rest I must believe will follow.

It is a revolutionary concept, at least for this traveller.

I have made a decision to eat healthier (positive) as opposed to avoidance of my nemeses - chips, beer, ice cream (negative).

I have committed to share with a smile my gratitude for life with anyone who will embrace with me this gift from our Great Creator. Through the power of gratitude I hope to soften my heart by eliminating the time wasters - judgement, anger, isolation. The time wasters can be exhausting, a drain on my finite resources of energy, talent and time I have been given to share with the world.

These are my doable goals for 2016, my New Year's Revolutions.

This year we can all bring a bit of anarchy to our new year by making our goals, hopes and dreams attainable and affirming. Imagine that!

2016 is looking pretty good right now!

... keep coming back

"When the solution is simple, God is answering." ~ Albert Einstein

"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot." ~ Michael Altshuler